HOW LITTLE WE UNDERSTAND ABOUT TRIBAL VALUES IN IRAQ

There is nothing more fun sometimes than sitting around with a bunch of other guys BSing about sex stories and other "locker room" fare. Iraqi men are no different than us when it comes to talking about generally base conversation not fit for mixed company. One time in the MCU in Adahmiya we were having sweet tea for a break and a low brow conversation with Kareem, a policeman. A translator was managing to swap our conversation back and forth as we giggled and laughed at each others stories. Kareem was recently married and was seemingly constantly on his cell with his new wife of about 4 weeks. I started giving him a hard time and was asking him questions about Iraqi marriage traditions and how he met his wife. We laughed about things like our "first times" and I asked him about how long his engagement was before he got married. He answered, "About 2 months." I thought that was a rather short time and asked him why he was in such a hurry to get married. "How could you know this woman so well and be so sure in just less than 2 months?" He answered so relaxed, "Oh no problem with that. She is a relative and I have known her for a long time already."

Needlesstosay the conversation took a great pause as all the Americans in the room digested this answer. Nobody laughed outloud but we all looked at each other other with a look of "Did he really just say what I thought he said?" Well that was as good an end to our break as we could expect and we got back to work and Kareem got back to his.

I came to learn alot from this interaction later after a bit of investigation. The values of tribe and family are supreme in Iraqi culture. Iraqis will intermarry with nonblood related cousins, if possible, to maintain tribal and family bonds. These are arranged by the parents of the bride and groom. This situation with Kareem and his wife is very common. Many Iraqis meet and marry through dating just like most Americans too. Nonetheless I came to learn just how different I was in my thinking about such a basic part of Iraqi society. Something we would consider backward, like marrying a cousin, was a normal thing intended to protect the integrity of a given tribe and family. It pointed out how little I understood about Iraqis than I ever thought possible.